Late Nigth Conversstions
by lutaski
Summary: Josh and the President talk through some issues


Late Night Conversations  
  
The characters aren't mine and wishing won't make it so. All rights belong to NBC and assorted others  
  
This is my first attempt at West Wing fiction so let me know if you like it or not. This has not been beta read so all mistakes are mine.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Josh paced in his office as he thought about the last week. He knew Donna deserved so much more both on a professional and personally. Especially now, with his job situation so tenuous. He couldn't do anything about the personal but professionally, there had to be something, even if it meant letting her go. The help she had provided to Angela during the budget meetings and the save she had made on social security had only cemented that idea in his head. Now all he had to figure out was what to do about the situation.  
  
He didn't think that Donna would ever voluntarily leave him, especially with him so close to the edge, so that left two options. He could either fire her or quit himself, because with this cloud hanging over his office she was never going to get the recognition she deserved. He could never fire her. Not after the way Dr. Freeride treated her, what he had done to her self confidence. So that left quitting. He had at least a half dozen job offers he could choose from at the moment, and with the way things stood with Leo, it wouldn't be a bad idea.  
  
The part of his brain that wasn't sleep deprived and over cafinated knew there had to be another option. He just couldn't focus long enough to find it because his mind kept coming back to Leo saying "no one wants you here". So Josh continued to pace and think.  
  
President Bartlet had been wandering the halls of the West Wing trying to pin point when he had lost control over so much of life. Usually on nights like this after a hard won victory he would find little groups of his staff tucked into unexpected corners. Celebrating their victory or simply relaxing because they were to tired to move after a day of fighting the good fight. Tonight the halls were empty and the offices were dark except for the one he didn't expect to find occupied. He had tried to ask Leo earlier what had happened between Leo and his deputy and he had received a surly "let me deal with my staff".  
  
So the President found himself softly knocking on Josh's door and hoping this new situation hadn't resurrected old demons.  
  
"Mr. President", Josh said as he turned from the far wall.  
  
"Would you like to take a walk with me", the President asked as he recognized the pain and confusion he saw in Josh's eyes. As Josh stiffened, he was quick to add, "It's a request from a friend not an order from your boss, and as an added bonus my office has much more room for pacing". Josh let out a sigh and followed the President back to the oval office.  
  
After offering Josh a drink President Bartlet settled on one of the couches and watched Josh begin to fidget. After a moment of silence the President asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
It's nothing", Josh replied while running his hands through his hair.  
  
"Josh, I think that after everything we've been through together the least we can offer one another is the truth", Bartlet said as he watched Josh come to decision.  
  
"I'm thinking about resigning", Josh blurted out waiting for the President's disapproval.  
  
"Why", Bartlet asked?  
  
"Donna deserves more than I can give her", Josh said as he took a seat across from the President.  
  
"That she does", Bartlet replied. "But you quitting your job isn't going to change that".  
  
"She'll never know how much more she can be if I stick around", Josh mumbled.  
  
"And leaving her is the answer", the President stated as he began to understand CJ's fascination with beating him over the head.  
  
"If I leave she can decide what she wants and go after it without me dragging her down", Josh tried to justify.  
  
"Josh how is it that someone who is so good at fixing problems for other people can not see the disaster he's about to create", President Bartlet asked, as he stood and moved toward his desk.  
  
" I know I blew it with Carrick and I know it would look bad for the administration if I quit right now. I'm willing to wait till things quiet down", Josh replied.  
  
"I was referring to your personal life" Bartlet said.  
  
"I don't understand", Josh said as he looked up at the President.  
  
"Why am I not surprised", Bartlet muttered to himself. "Josh, leaving Donna will only compound the problems that already exist. She will either follow you, because she's afraid you have gone off the deep end or she will crawl back into the unsure young woman she was when she walked into your office, because after everything she did and gave up for you, you left her. Does any of that sound familar.", Bartlet patiently explained.  
  
"I'm hoping for the first one" Josh mumbled.  
  
"Not only is that selfish, but wouldn't that defeat the purpose of you leaving in the first place, if we use your logic.", the President asked.  
  
"I want her to be a success all on her own, but I guess, I need to know she would choose me", Josh stated with a hint of desperation.  
  
"Josh she already chose you", Bartlet said as he once again sat across from Josh. "She made her choice one night in May in a hospital waiting room. She has had plenty of chances to leave, but she stays, right by your side Josh. Through everything, the good and the bad, don't throw that away because."  
  
"She only stays to take care of me", Josh interrupted.  
  
"She stays because she loves you. She stays on the sidelines because she loves you enough to wait until you give her permission to go", Bartlet said.  
  
"That's what I'm trying to do", Josh whined.  
  
"No you're being an idiot", the President continued. "She needs your approval not your disappearing act. She needs to know you let her go because you know she will never leave you. Just like you need to know her concern comes with a heavy dose of sarcasm to keep you grounded. Don't treat her with the same scorn and contempt most everyone in this building has been treating you. You both deserve more"  
  
"If I stay they will never judge her on her own merits. She won't be able to offer up an opinion or sit in a meeting without the person sitting across from her wondering if she's spying for me or reciting a position I told her to memorize", Josh said as he stood to pace.  
  
"No one who knows the two of you or who has seen your working relationship will ever believe that. And for those who do, it's their weakness, teach her how to exploit it", Bartlet said passionately.  
  
"It's not that simple", Josh replied as he looked at Leo's door.  
  
"What happened between you and Leo", the President asked as he followed Josh's gaze.  
  
"Nothing, sir", Josh stated in a more formal tone.  
  
"Is this about Angela", the President asked?  
  
"No", Josh replied firmly. "When he brought her in he was just doing his job."  
  
"Than what is the problem", the President asked?  
  
"The problem is I was just doing mine", Josh almost shouted as he spun to face the President.  
  
"I don't remember pissing off influential Senators being in your job description. Especially without running you hard ball tactics by Leo first", Bartlet said.  
  
"That's just it, I did" Josh stated as he once again looked at Leo's door.  
  
Certain things Charlie had said about the increasing tension in the west wing began to make sense to the President as he said, " Leo has clashed with Toby and CJ recently. Granted not as spectacularly as with you, but I didn't find them in their office trying to justify resigning. Because while I agree with you that Donna deserves more credit and more responsibility you are just using her as an excuse, in much the same that Carrick and Leo used you.  
  
"Leo did what he thought was best for this administration under these circumstances", Josh said as he stared out into the night.  
  
"Is that what CJ and Toby would tell me or even Donna", Bartlet asked knowing that would not be the case.  
  
"He was just doing his job", Josh once again stated as he looked for an empty piece of wall to lean against.  
  
"If he was just doing his job, Josh, we wouldn't be having this conversation, would we", Bartlet said as he worriedly watched Josh press his back into the wall. "So why don't you tell me what the real problem is. We're not the President and his Deputy Chief of Staff right now, Josh, we're two men who have been to hell and back together, more than once. So tell me what I need to know so that we can avoid another trip down that particularly road.  
  
"You really don't want to hear this sir", Josh said as he wished himself into the wall.  
  
"Unfortunately, I think I need to hear this", Bartlet stated as Josh hung his head in defeat. "That Christmas Leo told me a story about a guy in a hole."  
  
"It ends with a friend showing him the way out", Bartlet said.  
  
"And a promise", Josh replied.  
  
"As long as I have a job you have a job" Bartlet finished. "I told him the same story long ago."  
  
"That's where the problem is sir', Josh said as his shoulders sagged.  
  
"You think he's keeping you around out of pity" Bartlet asked, confused.  
  
"No", Josh said as he looked the President in the eye. "I think it only applies in reference to Leo's job. I had a lot of time to think over the last two weeks. That story only works if Leo's doing his job and I'm doing mine."  
  
"He didn't bring in Angela to replace you Josh", Bartlet said.  
  
"Yes he did Mr. President", Josh spat back. He had to. Just like he kept CJ off balance and reigned Toby in and let Will go. That was the only way he could keep all of us so angry and confused we wouldn't ask what was going on. Maybe he was hoping to chase all of us away. Maybe that's the only way he though he could."  
  
"You've lost me" Bartlet said when Josh didn't seem to be continuing.  
  
"You need to be the President sir", Josh simply stated.  
  
"Now I'm the one who's confused, I thought that's what I was", Bartlet replied.  
  
"No sir you look like him and you sound like him but lately Leo's been the one acting like him" Josh said as he once again looked at the floor.  
  
"Josh", the president said warningly.  
  
"I'm sorry sir, just forget", Josh began.  
  
"No, I asked for the truth and it seems I don't like it any better from you than I do from Toby", Bartlet chuckled ruefully.  
  
"I need to stop coercing my staff into these late night talks if I don't want to hear what all of you have to say", Bartlet said to himself before continuing. "That may be the truth Josh, but it's not the whole truth"  
  
"I don't understand", Josh replied.  
  
"You need to see the bigger picture", Bartlet said as he motioned for Josh to come take a seat.  
  
"Would it be all right if I stayed here for awhile", Josh asked gesturing to the wall.  
  
"Where your most comfortable" Bartlet replied.  
  
"Isn't this a conversation you should be having with Sam, Will anyone but me", Josh asked trying to lighten the mood.  
  
"I think it's time you learned the same lesson and when we're done with it I need a favor, Josh", Bartlet softly stated.  
  
"What ever you need sir", Josh replied as he relaxed against the wall.  
  
"Why do you think Leo is trying to push all of you away", Bartlet asked.  
  
"He doesn't want us to know something. If he keeps us asking other questions or cursing his name, we won't get anywhere near whatever he's trying to keep us away from. What he doesn't want us asking", Josh replied.  
  
"But you are", Bartlet pointed out.  
  
"Like I said I had a lot of time on my hands, recently", Josh replied.  
  
"So what does that do to your theory", Bartlet asked?  
  
"Nothing", Josh said.  
  
"Why did he bench you", Bartlet asked.  
  
"He had no choice after Carrick", Josh wearily replied.  
  
"Why didn't he have a choice, Josh? You said he gave you the go ahead", Bartlet stated.  
  
"We didn't expect him to bolt, tell me to go to hell yes, change the make up of the house no. Not that it doesn't make life easier on my side of the building", Josh added in a mutter.  
  
"I heard that", Bartlet said. "And not that I don't agree with you but you still haven't told me what Leo is trying to keep you away from or why"  
  
"You keep changing the subject sir", Josh said as he rubbed his eyes.  
  
"Are you sure about that Josh", Bartlet asked? " Just tell me what your thinking."  
  
"I don't" Josh began.  
  
"The truth Josh, I can take it I promise you", Bartlet interrupted.  
  
"You, sir" Josh said as he met the President's gaze.  
  
"You're right", Bartlet said as he look down at the Presidential seal. "Leo thought if he kept all of you away from me you wouldn't notice I wasn't doing my job, you wouldn't become disillusion with the man you thought I was."  
  
"The problem between you and Leo has been going on for a while now hasn't it", Bartlet asked?  
  
"Since Zoey", Josh replied as he moved back toward the couch.  
  
"What started it", Bartlet asked truly curious, having seen his staff pull together to survive Rosslyn and the MS not to mention reelection. He needed to know why this had pulled them apart from Josh's point of view. He knew Leo's reasoning and they would discuss it when the wounds were not so raw.  
  
"We supported your decision, you know that right", Josh asked hesitantly.  
  
"I never doubted any of you or your loyalty", Bartlet said.  
  
"I told Leo it was a bad decision latter", Josh haltingly admitted. "As a father it was the right thing to do and I didn't question it, but we were giving to much to the republicans. Leo was looking out for you and that was the right thing to do but somebody had to look after your job."  
  
"I understand, Josh", Bartlet comforted the younger man.  
  
"I'm not sure I do", Josh said as he ran his hands through his hair.  
  
"I do", Bartlet stated firmly, "but we still haven't discussed why it caused problems between you and Leo".  
  
"I disappointed him", Josh whispered.  
  
"What did he say to you", Bartlet softly asked?  
  
"It doesn't matter", Josh said as he took several calming breaths and finally sat down again.  
  
"It does", Bartlet said, "But I won't push the issue. Leo means to much for you to ever say anything about him that you think might hurt him in any way.  
  
"You didn't disappoint him, Josh, I did", the President softly added as he waited for Josh to look at him. "I'm the one who disappointed him".  
  
"Did Sam tell you why I thought he needed to learn to see the big picture", Bartlet asked?  
  
"Yes sir", Josh replied. "Could you please slow down on the topic changes though sir, Donna was out of the office for a week and it's late so I'm having problems staying focused here."  
  
"I'm waiting Josh", Bartlet said as he stood and began to pace.  
  
"You told Sam he needed to be able to see the big picture because one day he was going to run for President", Josh stated.  
  
"He will, and when he does he's going to want the same thing I did. His best friend in that office", Bartlet said as he glanced at Leo's door. "A best friend who's going to want to protect him from everyone and everything especially himself and this job."  
  
"So let's try this again. Why do you think Leo pushed you away. The truth Josh, it shall set you free", Bartlet stated.  
  
"I upset the balance in his world", Josh admitted.  
  
"How", Bartlet asked?  
  
"I was doing what he needed to be doing, what he wanted to be doing as your Chief of Staff. And that made him angry, it reminded him that ...", Josh paused.  
  
"Go on", Bartlet encouraged.  
  
"That you couldn't do your job, right now out of choice but at some point out of inability. So he did your job for you. Except he couldn't balance your idealism with his realism. You can't do both not in this office and do it justice. So I had to do his job, and he reacted like you would have except there was no one to balance us out", Josh stated and once again paused.  
  
"That's why he lost it over Carrick. He let both of us down. You because when you came back your job would be harder than it was before. Me, because he knew what I did was right but he had to appease the party because you couldn't", Josh finished with a smile.  
  
"And once again the brilliant mind that got me elected in he first place resurfaces", Bartlet said on a laugh.  
  
"That explains CJ and Toby too", Josh added.  
  
"Continue" said Bartlet.  
  
"Stability, he needed something to count on and Toby has always been the one to reel you in. He's already been distracted with the twins, Leo couldn't afford to have him go off on another tangent", Josh stated.  
  
"Those late night talks with Toby are my way of keeping my eye on the big picture. Leo doesn't like the results on occasion but he knows they are a necessity", Bartlet added.  
  
"Leo needed CJ off balance questing everything even herself, because that was his last ditch effort to get your attention. He was hoping you would come back and either save her or chew her out and either way you would be back in the game", Josh finished.  
  
"You're almost there Josh. Now tell me how Angela fits into this", Bartlet said.  
  
"Sir", Josh questioned.  
  
"I already see the big picture Josh, I'm just not going to be able to help him this time. That's why I need you to figure this out, Bartlet said.  
  
"How can you say that. He's your best friend", Josh pleaded.  
  
"There's still an elephant in the room Josh. Why did Leo hire Angela?', Bartlet pushed.  
  
"Because she wouldn't know", Josh stated in defeat.  
  
"Know what", Bartlet asked, once again.  
  
"If he was drinking again", Josh whispered. "She worked with him when, before, so she wouldn't notice a difference if he slipped because that's all she knew"  
  
"If", Bartlet asked as both men looked at Leo's door.  
  
"He's not sir. I swear", Josh said earnestly.  
  
"I know", Bartlet replied. "He wouldn't allow himself, not while he was doing my job. But the guilt after the fact is the hardest part to handle. Something you and I both know from experience. I can't help this time, not because I don't want to, but because the guilt will only make things worse."  
  
"I understand", Josh simply said.  
  
"I owe all of you an apology", Bartlet stated.  
  
"Its not necessary", Josh replied.  
  
"It is, and on this subject I speak form experience. I left Leo hanging because I thought I chased away my better half doing my job. I could only see two choice in my mind and neither were very realistic, much like your earlier dilemma. I was to lost in my own pain to realize that I left Leo without the other half of himself, that needed to do his job and mine. That's the reason he let Will go so easily, why should Toby get to have that balancing force in his work when I was denying that to Leo and by extension everyone else here." Bartlet finished speaking and waited for Josh to comment.  
  
"Sir", Josh asked questioningly, "do you ever wonder how a group of people who can't mange their personal lives, remember to shop for groceries, use punctuation or tell time and are amazed that babies come with hats ended up running this country", Josh asked with a grin.  
  
"Every morning", Bartlet said with a laugh. "Which brings us back to your original dilemma of what to do with an assistant that won't bring you coffee. "I've also had a lot of time to think recently and have a new found appreciation for my other halves, be it my best friend or my wife. So learn from my mistakes and don't push either away."  
  
"I don't have a wife", Josh stated  
  
"I sense a yet being tacked on to the end of that sentence. And a certain assistant of yours would not object if you began moving things with her in that direction. And as much as I hate Toby being right, we need to get back on message", Bartlet said with a grimace. "And since said assistant has been able to consistently see that message and has reminded us when we stray to far from it. I was thinking it was time to revamp the communications department. Which will give Donna the opportunity she so richly deserves while allowing you to move in a more personal direction with a lovely woman."  
  
"I think Donna would like that idea and so would her soon to be former boss" Josh said as he stretched. At the President's questioning look he added, " I can learn to live with a new assistant in my office because I know my old one will keep doing all those things that were never in her job description".  
  
"Goodnight, Josh", the President said as Josh paused in the doorway.  
  
"One more thing, Mr. President. We are keeping Angela, right", Josh asked?  
  
"I thought you wanted your job back", Bartlet asked?  
  
"I do, but there's there are a couple of things I could use some free time to work on", Josh admitted sheepishly.  
  
"Besides that wife thing", Bartlet asked with a grin.  
  
"Donna's has this file she call her what a shame folder. It's things we promised our selves we would try to something about if we made it here, and I think it's time we kept that promise", Josh said.  
  
"Go get some sleep so you can do good tomorrow", Bartlet said.  
  
"Good night sir, and I'll take good care of all of them, I promise," Josh said as he headed out the door. 


End file.
